Let’s just pick right up in the barren wasteland where we left off, shall we?
6. No punching.
Do I need to review the rules of behavior from Kindergarten playground days?
(Actually….. (strokes invisible Fu Manchu ‘stache)… that wouldn’t be a bad idea for a blog post… things you learned on the Kindergarten playground that apply to your dating life now. So, I’ll work on the title, whatevs)
I don’t want to see you making your most menacing face, assuming the bully stance and capturing your clenched fist in the shot. I see – no lie – at least one of these a week.
Did I miss some macabre memo where women want to see a guy’s “rage-y” side? Last I heard, we liked when men were kind and sweet and used their hands to stroke our hair or rub our feet, not threaten abuse. But, then, what do I know… perhaps they’re going for a Chris Brown sorta vibe? (too soon…?)
7. Messaging a woman multiple times when she’s clearly not interested.
Look… I just don’t have the time to reply to every man who messages me.
If I think I’m interested, I’ll write back.
If I’m not interested, but his message is sweet or charming, I’ll often write back.
But, if I’m not interested at all, I move on. No time to waste.
Why do guys think that if a woman hasn’t written back, that the best course of action is to keep bugging her?
Sure, there’s something to be said for persistence (maybe TWO messages), but when you just can’t stop… we call that a stalker.
8. Photos of you with your car.
Unless you are an auto-mechanic, a car salesman or a pimp, this really isn’t relevant. I don’t want to see pictures OF your car, and I don’t even want to see photos of you posing WITH your car like you’re some 1980’s magazine model. You are not.
If you’re into cars, great. Tell me that in the written part of your profile. You don’t see me snapping photos of my bargain finds from Sam Moon or the latest mortar ‘n pestle I found for perfectly muddling my mint, do you? The only reason for putting the cars in there is to brag that they’re either expensive or particularly manly. That’s lame. Stop doing it, MmmmK?
You may be thinking, “hey, these people are just showing a piece of their personality. Or, maybe you’re thinking, “they’re letting you know that they HAVE a tattoo, in case you’re not a “tattoo person” (which, incidentally, I’m not).
But I postulate that it’s just a cheap excuse to show off their bodies/muscles. It’s like the male equivalent to the gratuitous cleavage photo.
What’s worse is that half the time, ALL they have on their profiles are the tat pics.
No faces, jut skulls.
No charming smiles, just flames and crosses.
No “check out my friends and I at last year’s Halloween Pub Crawl!”…only unintelligible Chinese characters and old girlfriends’ names. Really? (Sighs…)
They’re great…but I don’t need to see you pulling up your shirt to show them off.
Look – women certainly appreciate a guy who’s fit – I’d be lying if I said otherwise. We also like a guy who’s strong – it appeals to that primal desire for a protector. But, we’re not sitting around dreaming about a man with tight abs. Seriously.
In fact, if I was to make a list of qualities women look for (say I polled 1,000 women), I’m willing to bet that “a wicked 6-pack” doesn’t even crack the top 25. Am I alone here, ladies?
Show me a photo where you’re smiling ear to ear or caught mid-laugh, and I’m yours. Cutting off your head so as to get a focused shot of your abs…I’m not yours.
Well, there you go… for now.
I’m sure there are a hundred more “tips” I could provide, based on my unfortunately protracted foray into the online dating profile world, but…. .baby steps.