2013 Reasons to Die a Little Inside
It’s become evident that many of the men on dating sites haven’t been reading my handy tips on posting photos… so (because I know how helpful it is),
I’m going to post some reminders and suggestions to that end. Think of these as the dating theses nailed to the cyber door.
Guys…pay close attention… heed my words and you’ll be on your way to digitally romantic success in no time.
1. Rule number one… and I can’t stress this enough…
Consider your background.
The more outdated it is, the sexier you’ll be perceived.
Think – childrens’ bedrooms, grandmothers’ parlors, and ANYwhere that has a urinal (a classic).
These are optimal spots to set the mood for romance.
2. Instead of putting photos up of yourself, find random, loosely-related-to-your-life objects or scenes to post – to really paint a picture of who YOU are.
Pictures of a genuine smile have become pedestrian and archaic.
The nouveaux way is to express yourself through symbolism. Really make this your own, guys.
Extra points for full audience confusion.
I mean, a photo of a dog says “I have a dog.”
A wad of cash says, “I wanna be a suga daddy.”
But, a random guy pouring drinks, says… um… “I like men?”…”I like to get drunk?” …either way, it’s sure to win her heart.
3. Pick-up lines.
You CANNOT be too cheesy.
If it doesn’t sound like something someone would have said as part of a parody sketch, it probably isn’t magical enough to rope us in, fellas.
4. Obscure, obscure, obsure.
If you insist on putting an actual photo of yourself on your profile, be sure to block out some part of your face, so that the women are left guessing what you truly look like.
Headless is best, but at the very minimum, hold your phone in such a way as to keep an essential body part from being seen. Keep ’em guessing, soldiers…
5. This is SLIGHTLY off topic – but, just as important as your photos, is the name/handle you choose for yourself. This represents you, so think long and hard about what it should be.
Obviously you want to misspell words…that almost goes without saying… but beyond THAT —
I recommend something creative like: “TexasGuy69” (you can never go wrong with adding 69 on the end of anything. Girls won’t clue in to the super hidden meaning, but subliminally it will make them hot for you). Or maybe a complex and enigmatic approach, like “ImSingle” or “NeedADate.”
Your options are endless here. Just as long as you stay away from actual descriptors, clever plays on words, family nicknames and conversation starters, you should be just fine. Bonus points for making it overly sexual or ridiculously pathetic.
6. Avoid subtlety.
If you have a distinguishing trait you want women to know about – point it out. Literally. Point to it. Or, at the very least, make it obvious by showcasing it in some way. We are not very observant creatures, so the more conspicuous it is, the better.
Here are some examples.
7. Lastly, if you can’t decide what your gimmick/niche will be…you can never go wrong posing for your photo op with a cuddly animal. We’re women. We love cuddly animals.
Cuddly animals, chocolate and sparkly things.
Heck, give me a “Best of Cat Fancy” calendar, and I’m yours for life.
So – set the bait with cuteness, and you can’t go wrong. It definitely doesn’t emasculate you – that’s for certain.
There are more pearls of wisdom where those came from. But I can’t go handing out all the nuggets at once. Baby steps, men. Baby steps.