I’m very sad to report that, as much as I wish it weren’t true, it turns out girls really do like the bad boys.
Well, not all girls, but more than I’d like to believe.
And not the John Travolta a la Grease sorta bad boy… but…well – let me elaborate.
After much discussion with my guy friends, it really does seem that this trend exists: Women are perversely drawn to a man who makes himself unavailable, insulting or just generally jerk-ish. You know all those self-help books and conferences that teach men to win women by using underhanded compliment/insults? Or using her own insecurities against her conversationally to give them the upper hand of emotional power? Well, I suppose, as much as I hate it, that they’ve tapped into some nugget of truth. And it pains me to say so.
One of my guy friends has been making this assertion for a while, but I kept telling him, “that’s just a small slice of the female population. It’s not a universal truth.” But, the more he shows me text strings from girls he’s dating, the more I’m resignedly convinced. Sigh with me, will you?
Here’s the setup (and yes – this is a true story. One of many I’ve heard in the last couple weeks). Two people go on a date and have a great time. She tells him she really likes him and wants to hang out again. In the next couple of days, he asks her out for a Friday night (she told him she was “free ALL weekend”). Suddenly she’s all booked up for the weekend…and the apathetic text saying so comes in 5-6 hours after his initial question. So, he graciously sends a text back saying, “No worries. I’m guessing maybe you’re not that interested after all. Best of luck.” Five minutes later, miraculously her schedule has opened right up, and she’s asking him, “what are you up to tonight?” and trying to make plans. She wasn’t available when he was pursuing her, but as soon as he withdrew his affections, she wanted him back.
But, I still wasn’t convinced that this was the epidemic I now believe it to be.
Then I hung out with several guys who are currently on the dating scene, and we got to talking about this topic and they ALL had MULTIPLE stories just like this one! Crazy…
Here I thought it was just the occasional woman (you know the one – self-esteem problems, daddy issues, uses men to validate her own worth) who played the game this way, but as my friends were talking, story after story was coming out of the woodwork to suggest this is a broader trend than I’d hoped.
As soon as a guy makes himself seemingly unavailable, the woman is compelled to change her tune and want him more. And men who seem distant or mysteriously unobtainable, are that much more desired. Conversely, when a guy is honest and tells a woman how much he likes her, he risks (in the words of another one of my friends) “being thought of as wimpy or a doormat. And then she loses interest.” Is this really what we’ve become?
I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised, when the better part of the Western world was consumed with whether Bella would choose a werewolf with impulsivity issues or a bloodthirsty vampire…
But the naively romantic and optimistic inner Sarah wanted to believe that we were evolved enough to say how we really feel and own our thoughts and intentions genuinely.
And really, the biggest problem with women acting this way – is how it affects ME.
Because, after all – …it IS all about me.
When they behave this way, they solidify in mens’ minds that this is the way to play the game, and then they play it with women like ME, who just want an honest, genuine relationship!
By golly, the more I write, the angrier I get!
In tomorrow’s post, we’ll talk (I use the term “we” AWFULLY loosely, as I’ll be the only one pontificating…) about WHY women do this, and what we can do about it…for me.
I mean…for women everywhere.