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He Shoots, She Scores!

It only seems prudent to have some sort of measure or checklist to be filled out at the end of a first date to let the guy know how he fared. 
Obviously, I’d bring a carbon copy set – the white copy is for him to keep, the yellow copy is mine and the pink goes to HR. 

This would save so much time and hassle going forward from the date. 
Think about it. 
If it’s a bust, you’ll give him all the pertinent information he needs, to know why a love connection wasn’t made, and maybe even some areas for improvement on his next date (with someone else…SO someone else).  Plus, you save yourself that awkward post-date, next day text where you let him down ambiguously, so as to spare his feelings, but then it inevitably ends with him asking, “but WHY??”

If it’s a great date, he’ll walk away with more specific knowledge about which things MADE it so good – thus reinforcing that behavior for the future. 
Yes… in this scenario, he’s eerily similar to my college Psych lab rat, Wilhelmina… she pushed the lever, she got a fruit loop.  Guess who kept pushing the lever??  Rewrrr…

So – as you may have guessed, I’ve designed a construct whereby you can take a few moments at the end of the date to fill it out and then go over the results with your date.  (This is all assuming you haven’t already had to jump ship, using the Early Dismissal form).  If you feel especially altruistic, you could combine this with a brief Q & A session. 
Ideally, I would have one of my nerdy tech-savvy friends design an app for your smartphone where you could check boxes, write notes, have the sums totaled, maybe even provide the results in graphic or pie chart format and then send a copy of the report straight to his phone or e-mail.  It’s like “the Square,” but for dating.

Additionally, every woman would have the ability to customize her own form because, as we know – we’re all different and have different priorities or non-negotiables that would affect the end results.  But, for my part, mine would look something like this: 

The back of the form has an area for comments/notes to elaborate on any of noteworthy points of interest.

If he scores 25 points or higher, he gets a second date. 
Pretty simple. 
And he can’t complain about not getting another chance…hey, look – it’s just a numbers game.

This idea was born out of too many so-so dates.  I’m beginning to think that perhaps the worst parts of dating have more to do with mediocrity than anything else.  Think about it.  If you go on a fantastic date – even if you don’t end up having a great love story with that person, you’ve had a genuinely fun time.  You enjoyed yourself.  If you go on a horrific date, it’s either laughable, bloggable (for some of us… who have the audacity to use online forums as an outlet for our own bad-date catharsis), or at the very least – fuel for stories to share with girlfriends and – well, …posterity. 

But, it’s the middle-of-the-road that’s the worst.  The date isn’t great.  It isn’t terrible.  It just…well, it just is.  

You know the one. 
It’s sucking your time…one painfully boring moment at a time. 
It’s numbing your mind…one excruciatingly self-centered story at a time. 
It’s lulling your charismatic sensibility into a coma of vapidity…one drip…drip…drip of monotonous conversation at a time. 
It’s draining your comedic joie-de-vive…one ‘obviously-over-his-head’ blank stare after I threw out the Michael Jordan of jokes, at a time. 
It’s invalidating your self-respect…one self-aggrandizing and obnoxiously juvenile penile reference at a time.
I’m settin’ up a cheery picture here, aren’t I? 

This guy isn’t mean or smelly or stupid, he just doesn’t wow you… like… at all.  That’s when the checklist can come in handy.  It’s hard and fast, and unarguable (yes…I’m considering my own opinions on the date to be conclusive truth.  I’m a woman, after all) reasoning to explain the date’s highlights or deficiences.  It’s irrefutable evidence as to its success or abysmal descent into fail-ville. 

Now, for those times when I don’t have the energy to go through the scoring system, I think I’m just going to play a simple game in my head while I’m on a date.  It’ll go something like this.
Would I rather. 
Would I rather stay here and see how this plays out because right now I’m so bored that I’m making a mental list of which celebrities I think could pull off an iced-out grill, 
or…  OR… would I rather be at home in my pajamas with my popcorn and shows? 
If Tim Gunn and 12 sassy fashion designers battling their way to NY’s Bryant Park beat out “let me describe why Hedge funds are an essential portfolio component to ensure private wealth grows and philanthropy is maintained,” then – chances are… we’re gonna fasttrack the checklist process and give you a direct pass to “move on.”  Sorry, guy.  Them’s the breaks.

3 Responses

  1. Laura Conner

    It’s brilliant! I believe this checklist could also be used when attempting to make new friends. Think about it. You would immediately know if you should bother with putting the energy into what is required to establish/maintain a friendship or just cut your losses.

    August 31, 2012 at 10:33 pm

  2. What if he’s anti-Facebook for health reasons?

    September 1, 2012 at 6:41 am

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