So, after a heart-breaking, gut-wrenching break-up last winter, (I like to start things out on a light note)… I decided to try online dating. I had briefly used “ChristianMingle.com” before, which is where I’d found my ex-boyfriend (we may hear more about him later….he’s given me license to make reference to him….[insert maniacal laugh]. But honestly, he was a great guy, so I figured I’d give it a go again! Hmmm….it was a colossal disappointment.
Then, I figured I’d hit up a big name in online dating, “Match.com.” Let me say, for the record, that Match.com has turned out to be, essentially, an online street corner, where men troll for sex. I’ll share with you later a few stories that will practically have a little voice in the back of your head whispering, “it rubs the lotion on its skin…” But I digress…
Sure, there are some on there who aren’t smarmy, but there’s a high likelihood that those few, are stupid. (I’ll explain later my parameters for assessing intelligence). In addition to Match being full of creepers, I also wasn’t getting any responses from the men I DID initiate conversation with… so I decided to analyze the situation scientifically – what could it be that was keeping men from interacting with me? I mean…. I AM, after all, QUITE the catch. I concluded that maybe it was the fact that I’m a mom… I get that. I can see how it could freak someone out that I come with two children as part of the package…fair enough.
So… I signed up for a couple months on “SingleParentMeet.com.” Wow. Just……wow. I literally – and I am not making this junk up – just renewed my subscription with them SOLELY for the rich material it will provide me for this blog. The steady parade of egregiously unqualified men has been staggering. (More on that as we continue this ‘conversation’ in the coming months…).
Finally, I thought I’d pour my last vestiges of hope into the almighty “eHarmony.com,” or, as some of my friends call it, “The eHARM.” Now, eHarmony does things a bit differently – you can’t go searching (let’s call it what it is…shopping) on your own. You have to wait ‘til they deem someone worthy of a match and send you the information. And they have been…. Across the board…. All of them – as in, 100%…. ugly.
I know it sounds harsh, but it’s the sad truth. Men – if you’re reading this and you are good-looking and on eHarmony…. Call me. I mean…um….(shifts nervously)…you’re the exception.
Yup. They may have a great character, good job, love Jesus… but they certainly aren’t about to win any beauty awards (holla Monopoly’s “Community Chest”). And, I’m sorry, but there has to be a physical chemistry/connection!!
So – that’s what we’re working with, in terms of online dating. Here are the cliff’s notes:
ChristianMingle – the K-Mart of online dating – used to be something in its day, but it’s taken a nose-dive into loser-ville
Match – perfect if you want an STD or a stalker
SingleParentMeet – Clueless/Dim (my soft euphemisms for stupid) men…with children (heaven help us all)
eHarmony – all the men with the “great personality!” (you don’t need GoogleTranslate to know what that means…)
Conclusion: I will now be relying on chance coincidences or “happening” to bump into Mr. Perfect at Club Kroger….. sigh…