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Single Bands

When I see a handsome guy who MAY be remotely close to me in age, the very first thing I do is look down at his wedding ring finger to see if he’s married.  If I see a ring, well – he’s dead to me.

What?  Too harsh?  I mean, I’m sure he’s a lovely fellow and his wife is lucky to have a hunka-burnin’-love by her side, but I don’t need to waste any more time in attraction/curiosity when he’s clearly not on the market.

But, what about ALL those men without rings?  They’re not all available.  Some are engaged, some have serious girlfriends, some are alone but emotionally inept.  How’s a girl to know?

I mean – if I stand in line behind someone at Starbucks who, for all intents and purposes, seems available… it takes every ounce of bravery in me, mustered in a span of mere seconds while we wait for my nonfat chai latte, to strike up conversation.  It’s not easy!  And frankly, I don’t want to waste all that effort only to find out that he’s dating some supermodel who bakes homemade crumpets for orphans or something…

I think we need a system.  A taxonomy of availability and statistical information.  I’ve suggested something similar to this before – using a multi-colored ring system to denote relationship status.  You can read about it here.  But now I want more than that.  I want all the details in one easy-to-read location.  A user-friendly interface for dating.  I suggest wristbands.

Hey – if you can wear them for various causes and Lance Armstrong, you can wear them to find the love of your life, amirite?

This idea came to me recently when I had to have one of those hospital bands put on me (you know – way less cool than the wristband the nightclub gives you, but chock full of personal information for anyone to read should you suddenly lose your ability to speak or slip into a coma?).

I say we add a splash of color, bedazzle these puppies, slap some pertinent demographics on ’em and start the singles-finder revolution.
Who’s with me?

dating band

Each band could list your age, your availability status, and any major dealbreakers.

How awesome would that be?  No more guessing if someone is ‘on the scene,’ as it were.  No more calling up all your courage only to find out that the cute barista “isn’t ready for a relationship.”
Lame sauce.

Plus – the dealbreaker line gives you an automatic IN.  A natural topic for starting up conversation.  Heck, order yours to say, “Ask me about our BOGO event”…I don’t care!

The bands can come in multiple colors and styles, so you can pair them appropriately with your various ensembles.  Obvi.

Perhaps we can even take a page from the Swatch watches of the late 80’s and have interchangeable pieces that can snap in based on your mood for that day.

There can also be varying degrees of enthusisam for wherever each person is in the journey – something like:

  • SINGLE/SKEPTICAL
  • SINGLE/SEARCHING
  • SINGLE/OPTION PENDING
  • MARRIED/JERKFACE for NOT WEARING A RING

and countless others.  (you pay extra for custom design, but hey – it’s an investment).

 

It’s not enough to simply NOT be wearing a wedding ring anymore.  There are just too many non-married options to wade through…and who has the time?  Or the emotional energy?

I need details people!  DETAILS!!!

Now…off to build a prototype.

One Response

  1. Stephanie Treece

    Why is this not on Obamas agenda!!

    February 22, 2013 at 2:35 am

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