Stairway to Taboo Conversations
If George Michael can do it… why can’t we? Let’s talk about faith!
(Granted, George was just trying to get laid, but still…)
Alright – before all my non-religious readers start collectively rolling their eyes and reaching for the mouse to go see if there’s any less-fanatic reading material close by, let me say that this post is NOT just for the Bible-belters out there. It is a post for anyone who has ever had to consider the issue of faith, or LACK THEREOF when entering into relationships (including friendships, blending families, co-workers, etc.).
Even if you’re one of my dear friends or family who thinks that any iteration of religious belief is just as ridiculous, you’ve still undoubtedly run into the issue of not being in agreement with other people… and this post is about THAT.
How to date when your faith (or your desire to be free of religious bounds and AVOID people like me) is important to you.
When do you talk about it?
How do you assess it?
How do you navigate a relationship between two people, each with his/her own thoughts/philosophies/backgrounds/levels of passion, etc.
This discussion was bound to happen. And it’s here. It is upon us.
So, buckle up – grab your Bible or your Qur’an or your Richard Dawkins book or your empty tea-leaved Starbucks venti cup and come sit down by my fire. (It’s not a real fire…it’s a metaphor. We’re gon’ get INTO it).
Everyone believes in something. Even if that belief is the firm philosophy that we are ALL there is and that all religions are nonsense. Of course, on the other end of the spectrum are those of us (me included) who believe that there IS something bigger than us out there. This discussion is not really to get into the nitty-gritty of what I believe (but if you wanna know…I’m happy to tell).
But I DO want to talk about HOW you talk about it.
Being on the dating scene as a Christian is incredibly tricky.
- Problem #1: Sheer numbers.
Knowing that I’ll only end up choosing someone who shares my faith, narrows the excitingly high potential pool of men down to a tiny despairing drop.
- Problem #2: Identifying yourself as a Christian often sends the message:
“I’m not fun” or “I hate sex.”
Great. Both of those things are absolutely false… for me. So – how do I make that a priority while still letting the dating world know I’m a cool and passionate chick?
- Problem #3: WHEN to get into this… how many dates do I “waste” before finding out where he stands on this topic? You can’t throw it out right away… it’s too “heavy.” But you can’t wait too long – til you’re hooked and falling for him… then you open yourself up to disappointment and heartache if he’s not where you are…
- How much wiggle room is there on differences in belief? I mean… I may not be aiming for a full-on atheist, but I’m also not going to draw the line on some trivial point of theology either. What about different styles of worship? Different views on side issues? Different ideas about church attendance? Sigh… It’s dizzying.
The next couple of posts will be a round-table discussion on these ideas. I’m going to ask some friends of differing faiths to weigh in, and I’ll talk about my own experience on this front.
Meanwhile… scroll through your contacts and if you know a handsome, single man who loves Jesus – send him my way, and there’s an “AndAllThatSass” notepad in it for ya…