In this gift-giving season that’s upon us, I’ve been thinking a lot about shopping.
I love to shop.
But, not necessarily in that female stereotypical way… so, if you’re thinking, “no way… I hate malls…,”
I get it. I can identify with not being the “typical” ‘loves-to-shop’ woman–
Heck, in a city where we’ve taken the idea of a mall and turned it into a metropolis-sized temple of materialism…
I practically need a wee dram of scotch and a football quality pep talk to brave Houston’s Galleria.
BUT…. Give me wifi, a mouse and a reasonable budget…and I’m your girl.
Right now I’m in the market for a scrunchy, tall, black, suede-esque pair of boots… comfortable, yet fashion-forward – and under $40. I’ve had the darndest time finding exactly what I’m looking for, (it might surprise you to find I’m particularly picky…), but the search continues.
I’ve gone to several local shoe stores, to no avail. So – I had to turn to the ‘ol interwebs… you get so many more options and filters…surely I’ll find what I’m looking for THERE…
And it occured to me… what if online shopping could be even better….
if you could streamline your requests, and add in all kinds of perks to the process while you search?
Well – I dare say it can!
With online dating. The ULTIMATE shopping experience. Hear me out…
Sure, when you’re buying shoes, you can narrow down the search by color, size, price… big woo…
With MAN shopping, you can narrow your search by height, weight, income, body-type, personality-type, religious preferences, number of kids, marital history, age, sexual preferences, location, political stance, ability to answer logic problems (not kidding!), education, income, and a hundred other factors.
PLUS you get to read essays they’ve written (which lets you know if they can write well, if they have a sense of humor, and if they’ve come to terms with the fact that “alot” is not a word.)
You also get to see how they’ve answered a bevy of questions ranging from their thoughts on dating/marriage, to how they’ll raise kids, to where they’d like to vacation, to whether you should buy real or fake Christmas trees…you know – the stuff that MATTERS.
But, it’s really so much more. Online dating is the only shopping experience where you get these added benefits:
Unlimited Test Driving.
Online dating lets you take the “car” out as many times as you need to, to know it’s the one. Yeah…it may claim to have a sweet moon roof and Bose stereo system… but until you’re feeling the warm glow of moon light on your face and hearing “O Fortuna” in surround sound…who’s to say it’s not an empty promise?
Same goes for men. Gotta see it to believe it. He REALLY values family? He’s REALLY romantic? He REALLY puts the toilet seat down? Hey – Time will tell.
And you get all the time you need.
Great return policy
If you find a product you like… and your shopping days are over… but then, tragedy strikes and he turns out NOT to be the one… you don’t only have 30 days…or 60… or even 90…
You can return your purchase ANY time you want, in whatever condition you want – no questions asked.
Unless someone’s put a ring on someone, dumpers and dumpees are free to get back online to begin looking for an even better match. Talk about customer service.
Constantly updated sales team & Product Turnover
Unlike Target (*kisses two fingers and holds ‘em up in the air out of respect for the mother ship*), you’re not going to see last summer’s flip-flops being pawned off as the next trend. Sure…they may still be somewhere in the Fall line… but new merchandise is constantly being added. Every time I’m on an online dating site, there are new faces/matches to review. And the stores (sites) themselves are ever evolving for their customer needs.
So, shop with abandon.
But remember, if it’s a relationship you’re in the market for, your odds are much better than finding those “black suede boots.”
So – happy holidays and happy shopping!