tagline

Uggghhhhhh…….

It seems there’s a rain cloud  thunder cloud  post nuclear mushroom cloud hovering over my love life.  It’s been a while since something exciting or hopeful crossed my love-seeking path…
Hey – it happens.

And, while it’s disappointing, I can roll with it, because I know it’s just for a season (hopefully a short season…  more of a Florida summer afternoon rain shower than a Sri Lankan monsoon….here’s hoping?).

But, it’s a little nerve-wracking when my friends are being messaged by charming, hunky, God-fearin’, 2-steppin’, witty-as-anything men while I get comments like (and I’m not even joking…see below), “let me sniff it.”

*dry heaves.
gross - sniffI really wish I didn’t know what he was referring to.  But, sadly… I get this kind of thing quite a bit.

And all it does is make me throw up a little in my mouth.  Thanks, McNasty.

Is this what’s left?

Is this IT??  I ask you!!?!

* pumps fist dramatically into the stormy onslaught.


So, in a temporary moment of self-pity, today’s post will focus on the crass, self-absorbed, brain-numbingly boring or idiotic messages I receive… because, hey – misery loves company.

Sigh…


 

ugh - my arrogance is choking his advanced degrees

A little explanation on this one.  This is from Zoosk and on that site, you can set it up to have an automatic response if someone only winks at you.  Mine is set up to say something silly, like, “what?  Just a wink?  C’mon… blah blah blah…”

This guy apparently didn’t find it cute and adorable as I’d intended, and wrote this pompous message.

a.  I like how he says he read my profile and then later says he “guesses” I have a “masters in something”… um – yeah.  It says so RIGHT on my profile, buddy.  Apparently HIS 2 masters and doctorate didn’t help him read mine for full comprehension.

b.  If my “arrogance is choking him,” why did he message me?  JUST to lecture me or show his academic superiority?

Sigh ….. again….

 


ugh - yuHello Michael  I’m fine.

But YU may need to buy a vowel.


ugh - gamer fantasy

Submitted by my friend and blog reader, Jenny

Wow.  What’s the OPPOSITE of turned-on?  That’s what I am.  Not only does this let me know you’re WAY more into gaming than I’d ever want to be with… but… there are sex scenes in video games?  Oh good grief.  I already have to compete against the world of pornography and strip clubs and the real-life women who throw their sexuality around like it’s Halloween candy.  But now, I have to contend with some high def anime ‘woman?’ (presumably perfectly proportioned… I mean, I’m guessing the makers of these games aren’t making Sarah-esque curvy but sassy sex robots).

I had to Google “Triss Merigold.”  Let me say this – if you’re feeling down and want to read something hilarious – Google “Triss Merigold.”  She’s a sorceress who heals others but is allergic to magic.  Here’s a pic:

They actually captured my likeness quite well.

They actually captured my likeness quite well.
[Illustration by David Puertas]

<— Well, this is embarrassing.  I almost wore this exact same outfit today.


ugh - not interesting.pngText you if I find WHAT interesting?

There’s nothing HERE? !

There’s no photo, no description of who you are (other than that you like the beach and stars…which…. let’s be honest…who doesn’t?).


 

ugh - dullboyWait a minute… you didn’t SAY “DullBoy” was out there.  The search is OVER!

All work and no play – sign me up.


ugh - self entitled quiz This is the quiz this guy put on his profile to help women see if they’d be a good fit for his ideal match.  Apparently his ideal match is a lot like his housekeeper/cook.

Oh boy… and I mean BOY.

He is a BOY.

Lookin’ for a mama.

 

This is so self-indulgent and juvenile.

Where are the men who will ask what delicious meal THEY can cook?  Are there any left who CAN cook?


 

ugh - mistakes galoreHow many families does this guy want to HAVE?


ugh - food productWell – FINALLY!

A profile photo that tells me everything I need to know.

Well… except for EVERYthing.

Heck – I don’t even know WHAT this IS!?  I can only assume it’s some sort of food-like product. But what?  And more importantly,… WHY??


ugh - lots o problemsListen, “moves,”
I don’t think this is gonna work out.

I think there were more mistakes than coherent phrases in this message.  Sorry, boo.


ugh - boringOh, another stem-winder!

This guy doesn’t really like….ANYthing, does he?

I can’t imagine a more lifeless and generic “About Me” section.


ugh - Big Black...Guh-ross.

Dude… is there NO nuance left in this world?

NONE??


ugh - JerkI guess I should applaud the fact that he owns his jerkitude.  But, GEEeeeez.

I kept reading this thinking he would type, “Oh, just kidding!” but he never did.  This is REALLY his profile.  And if he’s going for some kind of twisted humor, I suppose I’m just not his target audience.  I don’t know what woman is.  It’s not even particularly clever – just mean.

Also, it’s not “that just sounded hilariousness,” smarty-pants.

Sigh….ugh……….

 


ugh - grumpy loves sexI love this one.  He wants a woman who will “always look good to him” and who “loves sex” and the only photo he could deign to include looks like he’s bored out of his mind.

Sexy… mmmm…


ugh - hump dayI see whatcha did there, glasses.

Very clever.

If clever means the sort of humor I used to hear in middle school.


gross - hit itAnd last, but certainly not least…

Mr. Class himself.

This guy is a treasure, I’m here to tell you.

There isn’t anything more woo-worthy than having a guy say this to you.

Swoon…


 

So – all of you out there who are going on lots of dates with great guys…

Throw a little of that mojo this way.  Because I’m drowning in bad grammar, snore-fests and jerks.

Help a sista out.

2 Responses

  1. Chip

    Hi Sarah. Just curious why you cover the faces of some of these gems, particularly the “sniff” guy? Not sure whether they’re capable of being shamed but it might be fun to expose them nonetheless. Maybe there are legal issues? I enjoy your blog and do find many of these entries entertaining but it’s also kind of discouraging knowing that so many of these idiots are out there and basically in the way while the rest of us normal fellas are trying to make a genuine effort.

    March 20, 2013 at 11:50 pm

    • smstone

      Chip,

      I guess I feel like I’m less likely to get “busted” and have to stop posting them at ALL. You know?

      Basically I’m just a scaredy cat.

      But, there’s also the background thought that some of these guys really just are misguided and I’d hate to ‘out’ them to people they may know – if they’re just being obtuse. Now, yes, when they’re jerks…it’s definitely a lot more tempting to expose them!

      As far as being discouraged… yeah… I can see how you’d grit your teeth with every mean guy who firms up that idea in women’s minds that much more, that “all guys are idiots.” But, at the end of the day, I think most women can’t HELP but be hopeful that there are still some “normal fellas” out there. Keep being a decent guy… we need ’em out there!

      March 25, 2013 at 5:29 pm

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *