It seems there’s a
rain cloud thunder cloud post nuclear mushroom cloud hovering over my love life. It’s been a while since something exciting or hopeful crossed my love-seeking path…
Hey – it happens.
And, while it’s disappointing, I can roll with it, because I know it’s just for a season (hopefully a short season… more of a Florida summer afternoon rain shower than a Sri Lankan monsoon….here’s hoping?).
But, it’s a little nerve-wracking when my friends are being messaged by charming, hunky, God-fearin’, 2-steppin’, witty-as-anything men while I get comments like (and I’m not even joking…see below), “let me sniff it.”
And all it does is make me throw up a little in my mouth. Thanks, McNasty.
Is this what’s left?
Is this IT?? I ask you!!?!
* pumps fist dramatically into the stormy onslaught.
So, in a temporary moment of self-pity, today’s post will focus on the crass, self-absorbed, brain-numbingly boring or idiotic messages I receive… because, hey – misery loves company.
A little explanation on this one. This is from Zoosk and on that site, you can set it up to have an automatic response if someone only winks at you. Mine is set up to say something silly, like, “what? Just a wink? C’mon… blah blah blah…”
This guy apparently didn’t find it cute and adorable as I’d intended, and wrote this pompous message.
a. I like how he says he read my profile and then later says he “guesses” I have a “masters in something”… um – yeah. It says so RIGHT on my profile, buddy. Apparently HIS 2 masters and doctorate didn’t help him read mine for full comprehension.
b. If my “arrogance is choking him,” why did he message me? JUST to lecture me or show his academic superiority?
Sigh ….. again….
But YU may need to buy a vowel.
Wow. What’s the OPPOSITE of turned-on? That’s what I am. Not only does this let me know you’re WAY more into gaming than I’d ever want to be with… but… there are sex scenes in video games? Oh good grief. I already have to compete against the world of pornography and strip clubs and the real-life women who throw their sexuality around like it’s Halloween candy. But now, I have to contend with some high def anime ‘woman?’ (presumably perfectly proportioned… I mean, I’m guessing the makers of these games aren’t making Sarah-esque curvy but sassy sex robots).
I had to Google “Triss Merigold.” Let me say this – if you’re feeling down and want to read something hilarious – Google “Triss Merigold.” She’s a sorceress who heals others but is allergic to magic. Here’s a pic:<— Well, this is embarrassing. I almost wore this exact same outfit today.
There’s nothing HERE? !
There’s no photo, no description of who you are (other than that you like the beach and stars…which…. let’s be honest…who doesn’t?).
All work and no play – sign me up.
Oh boy… and I mean BOY.
He is a BOY.
Lookin’ for a mama.
This is so self-indulgent and juvenile.
Where are the men who will ask what delicious meal THEY can cook? Are there any left who CAN cook?
A profile photo that tells me everything I need to know.
Well… except for EVERYthing.
Heck – I don’t even know WHAT this IS!? I can only assume it’s some sort of food-like product. But what? And more importantly,… WHY??
I think there were more mistakes than coherent phrases in this message. Sorry, boo.
This guy doesn’t really like….ANYthing, does he?
I can’t imagine a more lifeless and generic “About Me” section.
Dude… is there NO nuance left in this world?
I kept reading this thinking he would type, “Oh, just kidding!” but he never did. This is REALLY his profile. And if he’s going for some kind of twisted humor, I suppose I’m just not his target audience. I don’t know what woman is. It’s not even particularly clever – just mean.
Also, it’s not “that just sounded hilariousness,” smarty-pants.
If clever means the sort of humor I used to hear in middle school.
Mr. Class himself.
This guy is a treasure, I’m here to tell you.
There isn’t anything more woo-worthy than having a guy say this to you.
So – all of you out there who are going on lots of dates with great guys…
Throw a little of that mojo this way. Because I’m drowning in bad grammar, snore-fests and jerks.
Help a sista out.